I have been anxious about this birth... even though I am so excited for our second little kiddo to arrive... and I haven't really been able to figure out why?
Physically, I know I am built for this... I can do this... I have done it... I am willing.
Emotionally, I realize now that I am scared. What about how much I love my first born? How will I perpetuate such a special relationship... one that means so much to me and reinforces so much joy in my life? How can I be the same kind of mother to my second child when my attention will be split?
I suppose I don't really know. Sometimes a lack of knowledge scares me... Like when I used to consider your future and how that future intersected my own. Not knowing, when it comes to something so important to me, is daunting... because I want to do well. I want to succeed.
My fear is rooted in the idea of failure.
However, I didn't know how I would do as a mother at all when J was born... I just did it... and he is wonderful... and I love him.
I can do this.
I miss you mom. This would have made for a terrific conversation between us.
Love,
nic
