Dear Mom,

I'm watching a movie that you and I had planned to see together.

And it makes me sad that you are not here so I could watch it with you now.

I miss you everyday mom. 

Love,

Nicole

Chat Chat

I don't believe in future telling.

No one can be certain what will happen next and that is difficult to accept but it's true.

Dear Mom,

Yesterday, I finally saw the doctor.

I am 11.5 weeks along in the pregnancy and the ultrasound pictured the baby really looking like a baby instead of a blob... like the first ultrasound with Jackson. I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise since it took so long to get my ass to the doctor's office.

Mom, I really wanted to call you after my appointment. I was so excited. I am so excited. After everything I really have a sense of being pregnant... aside from morning sickness and fatigue. 

Love,

Nicole

Dear Mom,

Things are difficult now that you are gone.

I miss you so much and I want to call you and talk about all of it but I can't.

Dad isn't speaking to me anymore, neither is Heather... and Brendon gets so irritated each time I try to tell him something about the house or money or anything that it's almost like I'm talking to dad... Which hurts just as much.

I miss you mom and I wish you were here with me... at our house... sitting next to me on the couch... being alive and willing to listen and willing to talk with me.

I love you...

Nicole