Pre

Tim's advice to me today:

"You shouldn't paint. It takes to much prep time. You should draw instead. You know..." (gestures like he's drawing)

I have recently moved two of my "in progress" paintings into the kitchen from the garage. 

This is the kind of support that Tim is capable of. Which is depressing. But probably essential for me to accept... and ignore.

Middle Ground

When all is said and done... or even before anything is actually ever completed... I know that things will be fine. 

I am certain of this.

Where does this optimism come from?

Down

My mind is completely preoccupied with the sale of the house... and the length of time that it's taking. And this leads me to worry about money to the point of blindness to everything else.

While my wonderful son does yet another headstand to left of me I realize that my worry is doing me no good. 

I am so overwhelmed with something that has not even happened yet that I am forgetting to be grateful for what is unfolding in front of me: my kiddo is a monkey who loves to stand on his head while watching Treasure Quest. 

I am fortunate. And ready to let the other stuff go.

Up

How can a person be anxious and calm at the same time?

Again, I am up before dawn. Not really worrying but definitely thinking with purpose... sort of, because I am actually also tired as well.

There is so much to contemplate; baby, mom, death, onesies, J, career, painting (how I actually love painting), time alone... time... the "right thing to do." Since I do not have much time to myself during the day I guess my body and mind have conspired to make some time for active consideration.

It's not so bad, really. But I'd like to be less tired while I'm thinking and more productive... probably the root of all my anxiety when it comes down to it.

Sigh... and yawn.