Dear Mom,

It's a girl!

I cannot believe that I am so excited that the baby will be a girl. 

At the same time I am a little anxious about the idea of having no help right after the baby is born. I'm worried that J will feel out of place not being the only object of affection. However, I am confident that that situation will sort itself out just fine in the end.

I am hoping that K is not devastated that I do not want her here. Maybe my reaction to her will somehow change in the next few months and I will feel more optimistic about her company but right now... after the chaos of the holiday visit and the tension between her and J and her general passive/aggressive nature I am feeling more than unwilling to invite her to come and stay with us. I dislike the way she acts with J and the way T & I feel it necessary to reprimand him when he snubs her... which seems to be his natural reaction to her.

All of this upsets T, I know. That his mom can be so uncomfortable to be around. I know a great deal of it could be solved if I just said nothing to him about the way I feel about her... which isn't really as negative as it is confused and frustrated.

My best option is to say less. About everything. I didn't marry someone who listens well. I have got to get that through my thick skull... I just need to cut him some slack. It is not easy to hear someone complain about a loved one. I am going to be more compassionate and find an alternate outlet for my frustration with her.

Eh.

I miss you mom. Even though I know that you would likely have been too sick to come when the baby is born... I still wish that you had been able to survive until she is born. Because maybe you might have had the strength to stay with us and J would have loved that almost as much as I would.

Love,

Nicole